Me and my girlfriends have been blackberry-ing on getting married: who will be next and why they werent ready. I realize many people especially girls out there are being held back several considerations:
1. Searching for Mr. Right.
2. What if... what if...?
3. How do i know if he is he one?
4. We still misunderstand each other very often.
5. Let others go first, me later.
Here are my thoughts for each of them.
1. Searching for Mr. Right:
Hello, wake up honey, there is no Mr. Right in this world! Do you have to marry the most eligible bachelor in order to feel that you have made the right choice? Even he has hidden flaws and dark secrets. I use to have high expectations towards guys. They ought to be physically, financially, mentally and spiritually stable. Well, i thought i had such a boyfriend but to my disappointment, he was someone different behind and beside me. I believe Nicole Kidman, Ms Universe, even Princess Mary have times when they had bad hair days, a zit at the wrong place on their face, lousy and ugly moments, so quit trying to be perfect in front of your spouse because you are not. If so, then do not expect for Mr. Perfect, you'll tire yourself waiting for him because he will never show up!
2. What if... what if...?
Change the phrase that keeps resounding in your mind to: "what if i am happy in the marriage, what if he will be faithful to me, what if we are granted adorable children...?"
Women, as usual, prefer to think of the down side rather than looking at the clear blue sky up there. I agree that bad things do happen, but for a good reason! There might be times that he'd cheat on you, but there might be times that you'll be doing it to him either. No one gets married with the thought of cheating the person he or she is reading the wedding vow to. But many things happen in the course of time. I am a believer that if a small tiff was to happen, both of us are at fault. Sometimes, even being too gentle and patient might act as a boomerang to yourself. There are times that we should stand up and shout!
Life is not guaranteed to be good, but rest assured, there is a key to every closed doors and a way to every blocked paths. Why make things harder by pondering on something that has yet to happen, it might not happen! "And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:27
3. How do i know if he is he one?
Honestly, you'll never know. All you can trust is your intuition. Cmon girls, we boast that we have 6th sense right, so why are we so timid when it comes to judging this matter? Peace... thats the best thing that you can base on. The peace that tells you "he loves you no matter what you look like, what you wear, how you snore, how long you spend on the vanity table, if you had red grades in school or if you were abused..." Thats the one.
4. We still misunderstand each other very often.
Knowing someone inside out doesnt take three to five years of relationship and another five years of marriage, it takes a lifetime. People change on a daily basis. Things (sometimes the negative ones) only start coming out of the closet after 10 years in marriage. It doesnt mean that he's no longer the one you married a decade ago, or he's a changed person, but it simply means that you have to keep learning about him.
My husband often say: "We are married, why are we still quarreling about this?!" The fact is, we will quarrel about the same thing several times up to a moment that we are able to accept with a big heart and open hands that its just a part of him we have to understand. Love is take and give, and more of the giving.
You will still misunderstand him vice versa, but things will get lighter as time goes by. You wouldnt bitch on little things as often as you did earlier in your relationship or marriage. As for fidelity, no one can assess the depth of ones commitment but God himself. Even the most high priest can fall into sins, what more human beings who have not finished reading the bible and do not pray 12 hours a day. But one thing for sure, i believe men with honor arent that shallow either. They would not cheat on you just because of poor performance on bed or poor looks on the mirror. But there must be an underlying reason, whether its a bitterness that he is clinging on or something really sorry that youve done.
5. Let others go first, me later.
You might be able to keep procrasinating while your in your twenties, but when it gets halfway to thirty, start considering being serious and prioritizing yourself instead. Think of this, guys are like wine, they get better older. Guys in their twenties attract women of their age group, guys in their thirties opt to woo younger women, e.g. those in their twenties. Let me stop here, i wouldnt want to hurt the fragile feelings of my own gender.
Am i right?
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